What's In A Name?
by dshell99
Summary: Edd's nickname as been the subject of many jokes over the years. But a certain redhead won't stand for it anymore. Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd and Eddy. I only own my OCs and plot.
People made jokes about his nickname for years. By the time he was a senior in high school, he'd roll his eyes, shoot the lame comedian a side eye and move on.

 _Except when Kevin was around._

If EDD stood for Erectile Dysfunction Disorder, Double D himself was the cure, as far as Kevin was concerned. They'd been dating since spring break sophomore year. He'd only hoped that Kevin would let the Viagra and Cialis jokes go like he did.

But, no. Kevin _wouldn't_ let them go.

He'd always thought the jokes were weird and gross. Then he fell in love w Edd and the jokes started to _piss. him off._

Things came to a head in their AP Biology class the day before spring break.

"Yo, Double D, you're killing my buzz here!," Bobby Marshall said as he lewdly grabbed his crotch and wiggled his waist in Edd's direction because Edd asked their teacher to clarify his statement on which vagina lip was which on the diagram he had up showcasing each part of that particular piece of female anatomy.

Edd took a breath, but he didn't have to look to see that Kevin, who was sitting three rows behind him, had suddenly become _very alert._ He could hear the seat _squeak_ in protest as he sat up. The low hum in Kevin's throat as he turned his attention on Bobby. Edd _knew_ Kevin's jaw was tight, that his cheeks had gone _red_ as his temper was on the edge of flaring, his green eyes would be glinting in _rage_ as they narrowed and directed their hard gaze on whoever had offended their owner.

Bobby's _fucked_ and seems to be the only person in the room that doesn't know it as the rest of the class gasped at his words to Edd and everyone sitting within a two desk radius of Kevin shifts away from the redhead as quickly as possible. Edd just hopes that Kevin doesn't get into too much trouble for losing it on the poor guy.

He asked Kevin to sit in a chair far enough away that he'd see the board and Edd, but wouldn't be close enough to the genius to be tempted to get Edd's attention with shoulder massages, sweet whispers, passed notes or anything else that would keep their focus on each other and off of class. Kevin reluctantly agreed.

So far things were good. Most knew not to tease, mock or harass Edd when Kevin was around. So either Bobby forgot that he was there or didn't care.

 _He really should have cared._

"Mr Marshall, that's _quite_ enough," their teacher, Mr Lentz said as he kept an eye on a _very tense_ Kevin.

Bobby shrugged.

"Not my fault the nerd is a walking example of what happens when you can't get it up."

He looks to his buddies for validation and is only met with horrified stares.

Then he hears a groan.

Looking around the room he's only met with downed heads, more shocked and horrified stares, Edd holding his head between his thumb and forefinger and Kevin is leaning back in his seat, arms crossed tight across his chest and a _scowl_ on his slowly reddening face.

 _"What gives with Kev?!,"_ he thinks.

Then he remembers that the nerd and the jock are dating. And that Kevin doesn't take too kindly to anyone teasing _his_ dork.

He just rolls his eyes and gives Mr Lentz a head nod to acknowledge his warning and class continues, but there's still a bit of tension in the air.

Mr Lentz concludes the lesson for the day about 15 minutes before the bell rings. 15 more minutes before Kevin and Edd can dip out of this cesspool of ignorant adolescents deluding themselves into thinking that they have a future beyond the four walls encasing them 9 months out of the year.

Midterms were a week ago. Kevin knows Edd is caught up because he's caught up, too. Any teachers crazy enough to give homework over break got Kevin and Edd's assignments two days ago. Mr Lentz was only giving a light review over the section they'd be starting when school started up again after spring break. So as Edd puts his study materials away, Kevin gets up, goes to tap Michelle Andrews on the shoulder and Edd just shakes his head as the petite brunette jumps up out of her seat and moves to his.

"So, you packed, yet?," Kevin asked as he sat down and started to rub Edd's shoulders.

The genius' head falls as he gives a weak nod.

"Finished last night. Want to give me a hint as to what we're doing next week?"

"Nope," Kevin grins. "That'll ruin the surprise."

Edd rolls his eyes but smiles all the same. After two years together, he knew that whatever Kevin had planned would be sweet, even if not knowing the plan worked his hyper planning nerves something fierce.

Kevin took out his phone to show Edd some tux styles for prom when he heard Bobby whispering to his friends about how someone as wimpy as Edd couldn't do _anything_ for _anyone_ behind closed doors. As he tensed up again at the teasing words, Edd grabbed his hand and rubbed his knuckles with his thumb to calm him as he scrolled through the web page Kevin brought up to show him.

"I mean look at him?!," he hissed to his friend Tyrone James as Tyrone facepalmed and shook his head. "It's not like he can get it up. He's such a wuss, he needs Viagra to fucking function," he says as he leans back in his chair, arms crossed, giving the couple a disgusted look.

And Kevin's _HAD IT._

 **"I CAN TESTIFY AGAINST THAT, SIR!,"** he barks at Bobby as he stands up and slams both hands down on the desk in front of him.

Edd jumps with a _squeak_ and quickly loops two fingers in his belt loop and tugs him back down into the seat.

"Could you _NOT?!,"_ he hisses at Kevin, his pale face _red_ with embarrassment.

 _"Well, I can!"_

Edd's scowl softens into a pout.

 _"Please don't."_

 _"Fiiiine,"_ Kevin says as he boops Edd's nose. "But if I'm subpoenaed, I'm taking _your sexy ass_ down with me."

Edd groans as he blushes even more and Tyrone whispers, _"I told you so,"_ to Bobby as the bell rings.

Edd comes back to school with a platinum ring encrusted with blue diamonds on his left ring finger.

Walking past Bobby's table at lunch, he waves the sparkly gems in his face and says, _"Kevin_ happens to _like my Viagra."_

He sashays away with a smirk as Bobby's table _explodes_ with laughter at Bobby's expense and makes his way to his spot next to the tall redhead who's love for him is stronger than any drug. And he loves him just as much. He'd definitely testify to _that._ But he wouldn't have to. The life in love they would live together was testimony enough.

Bobby ended up with three ex wives and a midlife crisis that concluded with a wrecked mustang and spending the rest of his life on Cialis. He couldn't afford Viagra.


End file.
